Almost Fairy Hour

I often cannot sleep....insomnia is a terrible condition, especially when one has to get up early the next day. For me the best times to sleep are from mid-night to four in the morning, and then from eight to ten or so in the morning, after which I get up and I'm fine for the rest of the day. However I do plan on taking a siesta at four in the afternoon just to see if that helps me sleep through the night. Hey, it's worth a shot. I think when I was in college, I would sleep almost normal hours, but always rose up the next morning very tired and never really caught up till the weekend.

Now that I know what my sleep condition is and how best to deal with it, I find that I actually love the early morning hours. I used to hate them, dread them even; to wake up and know that you'll be up from four to eight in the morning no matter what you do is very annoying. But I've resigned myself to doing things during those hours that would not be possible otherwise.

For example: when it rains during the night, the best time to hear it is about 4:30am. All is quite, except for the rare car or two that might pass by. There are few or no planes, no trains, no buses, and no neighbors talking loudly, or kids laughing and/or screaming outside. I love these precious quiet times. I can think more clearly and pray more boldly. There are no distractions.

At one or two in the morning if I so happen to wake up then, I think those are the interesting times as well, for it is almost fairy hour, which is about three-ish. It's probably most quite at that hour because even insomniacs like me are still asleep. Mothers are up feeding their babies then, and the fairies, I think, must enjoy seeing that special bond take place.

Ok I don't really think fairies exists, at least not in the US, but it's nice to think about anyway.

So....I will continue enjoying the pale moon, and the stars, and when the hour of four comes around I'll see what other creative things I can invent or debate myself about, worry over, or pray about. Probably all three.

Sweet dreams.

I have issues....

Being over 25 does not insure ones ability to block out certain thoughts. I thought they would just turn off like a candle light snuffed out, but I am still thinking about what I am NOT supposed to be thinking about. This is still the hardest thing I've had to try and get out of my head since I learned that ice cream came in more than two flavors (vanilla and chocolate). Anyway....what to do???

I can let the thoughts persist, act on them, or I can deny them and see where that takes me. To let them persist would lead to nowhere but trouble. Sometimes I just want trouble to take me and I want to have fun with it. I have always played on the safe side and ...sometimes I'm just bored with that.

I guess that makes me ungrateful at times, but then again...I'm only human.
Back to these thoughts of, "what if", they usually come up when I'm not challenged or I am bored with the hum drum life I've slipped into. They are not lasting, but the fact that they still come up bothers me.

It bothers me, and there is no cure for it, at least not that I've found. I hate having such a vivid imagination too. I am really good at "imagining" what it would be like if....
ya know, "IF". So I guess I just need to let it ride and just go back to my normal life, create my own entertainment, and count my many blessings.

Yeah. I guess so.

Prototype Malfunction

(a little blurb)
The first time I saw the Matrix (yes that's right I did see that one), I thought to myself. "Wow...that makes so much sense about the lack of perfection in the world". Truth is I am not sure we humans could handle it. Perfection is such a large thing to explore, so I shall keep my writings on the matter somewhat brief. I believe in God and creation and the Bible. However I also think that there is a great many things that can be learned once you have accepted the fact that you are, infact, a prototype malfunction. I mean Adam and Eve messed it up for all of us to follow, and so God's perfect plan was no longer perfect in the sense that we humans would do everything perfectly. We humans make mistakes...A Lot of mistakes, but we also learn from them and grow and change and become better for it. I think I like being a prototype malfunction, as least that way I know I can improve myself. Best part is I will be in eternity, perfectly righteous unable to make any more mistakes (No more, "what happens in Vegas" mantras), and will occupy the future eons of my life learning and exploring and working and bettering myself amongst many many friends. That's all on that. P.S. I do long for another trip to Vegas though....such felicity of entertainment & shows.

A little more rain please.

I used to think that the groundhog seeing his shadow was a bad thing, that Spring would come too soon and winter would be a distant memory before I even began to enjoy it. Now, I'm loving the extra Winter weather. I find myself happier. Perhaps it's because I know I can be happier than a gloomy day outside; a sunny one is always harder to compete with.

So I'm drinking more tea, taking longer hot showers (just to get warm), still wrapping myself up in scarfs and sweaters. It makes me giddy. I wonder what will happen when the water gets shut off, and the sun burst onto the scene, hot and unrelenting. I will probably say, "a little more rain please", or, "just one more day of rain will be fine,". It won't happen though, and it will be a long Summer before any hint of cool Fall breezes come back. Until the cruel sunshine burns through the clouds,...I'll just enjoy every chilly moment, with a Starbucks Dolce' steamer of course.

Janes Austen Knows Everything...

"Is a truth universally acknowledged, that a man in possession of good fortune, must be in want of a wife." ~Jane Austen

Oh yes he must...indeed. What else can a man want once he's conquered his chief material goal in life. I believe that Jane Austen, a true genius of human nature, understood two things very well; men and women. I know there are men out there that would argue that statement, saying that she being a woman can only claim mastery of her own sex, however when you read her novels, let's take "Pride and Prejudice" for example, one cannot help but recognize her mastery of both the sexes' thinking on all manor of topics. From money to love, from family relations to social manners, she articulates the thoughts of both men and women with an artful intelligence and blazing wit.

The thing I love most about her work is how incredibly down to earth it all seems. Jane Austen knows everything....I am perfectly convinced of that. You just have to read her work and you'll be instantly enlightened. She brings to life so many of life's most common and charming moments. She exposes what it's like to be a young person exploring life and love and heartache, and much more. She let's you see into a world where the smallest detail carried with it so much meaning; like the type of head dressing you wore, or the type of flowers received. One delicious layer of detail on top of another, and all wrapped up with a nice story, most with very happy endings, as well as several life lessons learned.

It's true that she wrote from life and people that she most likely knew or who moved about in her own social circles... funny thing is, I see so many of the same characters walking in and out of my own life. I certainly know a Mr. Darcy and Mrs. Bennett amongst my acquaintance. The fun part is I can see myself as the main character, and sometimes even a blend of several characters depending on what is going on in my life. I find it very encouraging that as they change and grow and improve, I know I can too.

Jane was a such an incredible lady, and I'm so glad she broke the social rules of her time, the ones she knew so well, and decided to write novels, bringing so many joys and trills to everyone who reads them. I can only hope I can bring something as creative and beautiful to the world before I leave it.