A little more rain please.

I used to think that the groundhog seeing his shadow was a bad thing, that Spring would come too soon and winter would be a distant memory before I even began to enjoy it. Now, I'm loving the extra Winter weather. I find myself happier. Perhaps it's because I know I can be happier than a gloomy day outside; a sunny one is always harder to compete with.

So I'm drinking more tea, taking longer hot showers (just to get warm), still wrapping myself up in scarfs and sweaters. It makes me giddy. I wonder what will happen when the water gets shut off, and the sun burst onto the scene, hot and unrelenting. I will probably say, "a little more rain please", or, "just one more day of rain will be fine,". It won't happen though, and it will be a long Summer before any hint of cool Fall breezes come back. Until the cruel sunshine burns through the clouds,...I'll just enjoy every chilly moment, with a Starbucks Dolce' steamer of course.

Janes Austen Knows Everything...

"Is a truth universally acknowledged, that a man in possession of good fortune, must be in want of a wife." ~Jane Austen

Oh yes he must...indeed. What else can a man want once he's conquered his chief material goal in life. I believe that Jane Austen, a true genius of human nature, understood two things very well; men and women. I know there are men out there that would argue that statement, saying that she being a woman can only claim mastery of her own sex, however when you read her novels, let's take "Pride and Prejudice" for example, one cannot help but recognize her mastery of both the sexes' thinking on all manor of topics. From money to love, from family relations to social manners, she articulates the thoughts of both men and women with an artful intelligence and blazing wit.

The thing I love most about her work is how incredibly down to earth it all seems. Jane Austen knows everything....I am perfectly convinced of that. You just have to read her work and you'll be instantly enlightened. She brings to life so many of life's most common and charming moments. She exposes what it's like to be a young person exploring life and love and heartache, and much more. She let's you see into a world where the smallest detail carried with it so much meaning; like the type of head dressing you wore, or the type of flowers received. One delicious layer of detail on top of another, and all wrapped up with a nice story, most with very happy endings, as well as several life lessons learned.

It's true that she wrote from life and people that she most likely knew or who moved about in her own social circles... funny thing is, I see so many of the same characters walking in and out of my own life. I certainly know a Mr. Darcy and Mrs. Bennett amongst my acquaintance. The fun part is I can see myself as the main character, and sometimes even a blend of several characters depending on what is going on in my life. I find it very encouraging that as they change and grow and improve, I know I can too.

Jane was a such an incredible lady, and I'm so glad she broke the social rules of her time, the ones she knew so well, and decided to write novels, bringing so many joys and trills to everyone who reads them. I can only hope I can bring something as creative and beautiful to the world before I leave it.

Why Being Happy Sucks!

"I'm happy today"....can you just hear yourself saying that? Well it's something I had to say today at one point and it annoyed me. Well once it was over anyway. Happiness is great and all, but not when you realize it. It's when you realize it that the inevitable happens....you slowly come down from the high you didn't even know that you were on, and that's when you start to get angry. Angry that you let it happen again, angry that you couldn't just enjoy it one second longer, angry that someone or something has knocked you out of your fluffy dream like state once again. Why does that ever have to happen?

For me it happens too often. Like when I'm watching a great movie, and I'm really enjoying it, I start to say, "oh this is really a good one", and then it hits me like the stomach flu....'you are/were happy, and it will be over soon'. Errrggg.....then I start counting down the minutes, and seconds until the credits will start to roll and I'll have to get up and walk out of the dark cozy theater back in the harsh light of stinging reality. Hmm...maybe I have post womb issues. I really really really HATE that I just can't stay happy. I just want to enjoy the fun more, enjoy the ride longer, and enjoy....well life a bit more, and not in seconds and minutes, or even hours, but days, months, years. Not that things won't come up from time to time, I'm not delusional, and I am a realist (maybe just too much of one). But those are not the moments in my life I want to dwell on, have linger in my mind for ninety percent of my conscience awake life.

How can I alter such persistent thinking? That's the hard question. Also the questions of what happened to me, who said something, what catastrophe caused me to leave my pink bubble permanently and then make me feel guilty for wanting to be back in it for more than 147 minutes at a time only on date night? I don't know. But right now Being Happy Sucks; again because I know it will be short lived.

I hope and pray that it changes for me. Maybe I just need to stop trying to fix everything, or rescuing people out of their own mistakes, and stop, for goodness sake, from trying to make every party I go to a success by taking over for the incompetent host/hostess, and spending the entire party working in the kitchen, putting out more punch, napkins, and forks. Maybe I just need to show up and enjoy what's there, let people fall down, and let things break. Maybe then I will be happy and not care so much. Not feel so guilty about possibly letting others or myself down. (sorry long tangent there)

Hmm, maybe it's all for want of romance. Ever notice how those in love, you know...the annoying kind that you see around Valentine's Day, that they seem to feel nothing bad going on around them? They could be in an accident and total their car, and it doesn't phase them when they are smitten. They get a splinter and they keep smiling. They lose their wallet and laugh about it. Maybe that's what I'm missing. It could hurt to find out with the right person, right?!

Happiness, I suppose, just takes a long long time reach ultimately, but just like learning how to put one's eye liner on just right....it just takes practice!

Apple Bread

 

 Today I tried out my new cast iron pot and made apple bread. Actually I started the bread making process yesterday as the dough take about 18 for the first rise. The second rise took only an hour and a half, and so was finished today at about 2:30pm. I took the liberty of altering the original recipe by adding a little cinnamon and allspice, because really....apples without at least cinnamon is boring and not worth eating. It turned out great! Cinnamon brown on the outside and pale yellow on the inside with sprinkles of spices and chunks of apples. It came out super moist. I loved it and so did my Mr. Wonderful. We decided to eat the whole loaf as it tis better to gorge on carbs one day, rather than eat it little by little risking adding to our waist lines. It's kind of like halloween candy; you're supposed to eat as much as you can in one night because your body can only retain so much in one day. If you ate some little by little until it was all gone you'd gain at least five pounds. That would be no bueno.

Anyway....it was fun and I have to thank the person who gave me the bread making book and cast iron pot. I love it, and will be making it again, once I've put on a few more pounds of muscle and right before I go on a long (like ten miles) run.

This year I've actually decided to go glutten free, so that means I'll be giving up wheat, corn, and soy (not that any human should EVER eat soy).  I will allow myself the occasional bread loaf, but under the guise of an impending extremely hard workout or long run. My ultimate goal is to lose 5 pounds of fat and gain 5 pounds of muscle or maybe ten depending on how it looks on me. I'm not trying to be a scary body builder type, just alluring, curvy, and very toned.

It's only day 2 of the new year, and so far I'm not off to a great start, but it is Sunday, so tomorrow I will hit the ground running. Hopefully it will be a literal running and not figurative.

Getting Her Best Body Tomorrow,
Leah

One More Day "Tangled"

This is home...

Nice isn't it? Yeeeah....only problem is, I don't live there yet.
I'm more or less living in place like this:

It small but nice and, albeit, not so isolated, it has all the conveniences one needs, plus the usual modern conveniences like electricity, running water, the internet...you get the picture.

So this is the last day of 2010 and some things are very different from last year, and by that I mean, things are all tangled up, and not in a good way. For one thing I had a very serious talk with my Mr.Man. It went something like this:

"Now you listen to me dearest...I'm giving you one more chance not to screw up this relationship with your incessant shenanigans, which by the way is supposed to be built on trust, love, and understanding, etc, or so help me God, you'll regret it".

His response:

 (The "hey, I feel you babe" look)
It didn't work. I could see right through that.

I explained that I wanted him to be the knight who scales the tower wall and risks everything to fend off: 1)horrid people who lack a moral compass, and 2)those lacking the ability to shower everyday, as I have a very sensitive nose.

In addition to that I explained that he could count on me to whip it, and flip it (ya know my hair) and fight along side of him for a peaceful more harmonious world in which to dwell. I mean I can certainly be assertive, efficient, and deadly persuasive when need be. We women are born with the gift of flirt or fight. The wise just know when and where to implement them.

 Anywhoo....the goal is of course the perpetual romantic amazingly adventurous relationship we all know is possible, but rarely strive hard enough to actually achieve.
Ahh romance, you gotta love it right?!

So here I am hoping to have this be the last day to be annoyed in a serious way by anyone. And here's hoping that in 2011 we'll be fighting on the same side for something better, more wonderful, and more extraordinary than anything either of us could dare wish for.

Seeing the light.

No Good, Very Bad Day

I hate when I don't wake up on the right side of the bed. You know....when you've had a bad dream that you just can't shake and yet you have to get up anyway and start you day. Then the tedious tasks begin...making breakfast, finding something to wear, getting out the door on time, only to sit in traffic and listen to the same old annoying songs on the radio. (Seriously why is it so hard for DJ's to get good music broadcast and not for Pandora.com?)

Then you make it through the day and back home, only to realize that you've forgotten something at the store for dinner and now you have to go back out, find parking, and wait in another line.

Well days like that do happen, but you know what?...you can still turn it into something good, even great just by doing a few simple things:
1) Count your blessings. Just think of all the little things we usually take for granted like, hot clean water and soap, food, electricity, plumbing, and toothpaste. There are so many who have nothing, so please...count your blessings.
2) After a long and terrible day, take a hot shower and watch a funny movie. It really helps to go to bed on a good note.
3) Call up a friend just to say, "hi". Ask them about their day and chances are they've had a doozy of a day just like you, and could use your sense of humor to be uplifted.
4)If all else fails call a Mary Kay Lady to come over and pamper you for free. You will feel better trust me. (LeahsMK@blogspot.com)

Well there you go. Hope this has helped you. Tomorrow is a new day. Praise the Lord!

Uninvited

'Uninvited'

  Have you ever had an emotion that was so uninvited you cringed as you realized it was coming upon you? When you felt that you had no choice at all and were helpless to defend yourself from it taking over. And worse yet, is that you acted upon it. Maybe you screamed at your spouse, your kids, or your boss. Maybe you began to obsess over food, a person, or an item you had to have or you'd die. (maybe not die, but you know what I'm saying) Well that very emotion has happened not once but a few times to me. Each times, I was forced to purge that emotion and literally cut it out of my mind. It was very very hard. It's not like seeing a commercial and thinking, "oh that's nice, I'd like to try that". It's intense and almost paralyzing, or in some cases electrifying. Sadly, much like a weed, emotions this powerful you can't ever get to root of.....give it time, and it will be back.


   Now you can do the usual things like, try to forget (which doesn't work), get busy with work and other things (this works for a while, but never long enough), so you can just give in hoping that over indulgence will somehow numb you to it, and soon enough you'll no longer want it; like working at your favorite restaurant so you won't eat the food there. None of these methods work. Inevitably the feeling returns and your mind and heart are scalded by them once more.

   So what can you do? The only logical and practical thing to do is to pray, pray, and then pray some more. Also, and I'm paraphrasing here, remember the words of that great puritan writer John Owen which say, "The person who understands the evil in his own heart is the only person who is useful, fruitful, and solid in his beliefs and obedience. Others only delude themselves and thus upset families, churches, and all other relationships. In their self-pride and judgment of others, they show great inconsistency."

   This quote is excellent, and real, and true, and scary. The person that does not understand the evil in his own heart, muat be a sad and wretched person indeed. Without such understanding you cannot understand true grace, true forgiveness, true mercy, and true love. It's only when we acknowledge to our very own souls that our inner most being is dark and on the brink of madness, that the beautiful re-birth of consciousness and soul can take place. Our disillusionment about life is a result of not reconciling the bad we've be born into and contributed to, with the amazing blessing given and shown to us despite everything.

  That was a bit off topic, but all that was to say that in order to grasp true and complete control of our emotions is to surrender to Christ Jesus, our Redeemer. He alone is the One who can give His Holy Spirit to us, so that by His power we are able to overcome such things. You may get mad, even irritate at reading this, but the purpose was not to offend, however that is almost always the case when truth is presented.

  Sit, ponder, and pray and you will see that Jesus is the only way to true joy, freedom from the clutches of depraved thinking, and life.