The Evil Plot Twist...

So in every movie, book, etc....well good ones at least, there is evil plot twist. Something has to go wrong. It's inevitable. Whether it's a love triangle, the team is failing, or the hero gets a set back....the rise to a joyful ending can't happen without first having the leading character/s go through some drama.

My favorite is and will always be the love triangle. Why? Because watching people become idiots over love is just plain amusing. I want the hero to win, and the underdog to come out on top in the last seconds of the game, but what can be more exhilarating than a guy or gal losing it for love. I mean people do some crazy, crazy things when they are smitten. They stop eating, or eat too, they stop doing their jobs well, or on time (gee don't want to have any surgeries from a heartbroken surgeon). People will risk it all when love goes awry. They fear it will pass them by and they'll end up alone.  That's the real issue isn't it? Being alone. It isn't so bad when you have the dream of love still being out there for you, but what if it's not.

You go to school, work really hard, get the perfect job, work that job for years and years till you're right where you want to be and then suddenly....a bomb goes off in your head and you start to think, "Hey, I don't want to be alone forever." You start dating just because you have this perfect time-line in your mind, you know... now that everything else has fallen into place. What you fail to realize is that love is the great crux! It is that arrow to the heart of all you hold dear, your job, your waist line,.. your sanity. Finally finding love means you'll most likely have to make certain compromises in other areas of your life. The best part is...that if the love is real and the intoxication is lasting, you won't care at all. You won't care if you lose all you worked so hard to acquire (well maybe not the waistline). And you will have gained the best thing you've ever known, or will ever experience again.

Enjoy the crazy ride called love. It is worth it!

Phoenix

Phoenix

The love or crazy idea of it,
only time I've had some fun
since it's begun, I'm undone
can't let you go

You've got secrets, I'll keep them,
won't tell a soul, pretend I don't know
whisper and I'll hear you
say nothing and I will fall

I hate this, and it's nothing
with me it's all or over
I'm undone. Can't figure it out.
With pressing words unsaid, I'm surrounded
I hate this. Hate that I miss you at all.

I wanted to be over it
the loneliness I feel keeps growing
It draws me your way,
Sometimes I wonder why

Stay mean, stay cold,
Stay the way you were always
I don't need you, just the crazy thought
I can live on that, till another

I hate this, and it's nothing
with me it's all or over
I'm undone. Can't figure it out.
With pressing words unsaid, I'm surrounded
I hate this. Hate that I miss you at all.

Don't be safe, please don't be sane
Can't stand the thought of you in a box
I've always lived there, it's not easy
Makes me bend your way

Don't ask what I wanted, I was stupid
I kept it simple, kept it calm
Safe is just a cage I've built myself
The doors wide open now

I hate this, and it's nothing
with me it's all or over
I'm undone. Can't figure it out.
With pressing words unsaid, I'm surrounded
I hate this. Hate that I miss you at all.

Just tell me, I'll follow
I'm ok now, just need a way out
I'm not the girl I used to be
a tidal wave, at the limit
a phoenix, can't you see now

Stay the same, don't change
dangerous, tender, and unmoved
I'll hate to leave you, never to pursue
loneliness is not the end
You have me

I hate this, and it's nothing
with me it's all or over
I'm undone. Can't figure it out.
With pressing words unsaid, I'm surrounded
I hate this. Hate that I miss you at all.

Back on Track....sort of

So this week was kind of whirl wind for me. Acupuncture drama Tuesday. Hair drama Wednesday. Headache Thursday. But then good news on Thursday did me some good. Found out a friend was coming to town. Someone I had wanted to see for a while.
Back to bad news....I had to work all weekend. Errggg...! Good news is I still got to spend some time with my friend and have some much needed fun.

I actually have been a bit silly and bit crazy over it. Nothing out of the blue for me.

Looking forward to more good times soon.

Two Days Of Trouble

So this past weekend was my anniversary....a very scary thing let me tell you. I went into thinking please don't let me give myself away by expressing my actual thoughts about the relationship out loud...(a little champagne can make me let my guard down). So that being said, I had certain reservations about doing anything too quite (like sitting around at home watching movies), or too social (like getting together with certain someone who makes me get all silly and giddy). It was just better to stay out and about and away from people 'he', or 'I', or 'we' know. Needless to say it worked out. I thought for sure it would be two days of trouble, but instead, I had a very nice weekend, bordering on 'the-way-things-used-to be' and I can honestly say that I wish I had a few more days like it.

Who wouldn't like early lunch, followed by new hot movie, and toped off with some Boston Legal or Jane Austen? Anyway....we'll see what happens next weekend.

All hell could break loose.

Weekend Blues

So this weekend will be very long I think, even though I'll have a few things to do. I wish I could say that I was excited about it, but as it is I'm not. Do you ever just want to say inside and drink tea and watch old movies. I think I am having some kind of weekend anxiety; my insomnia is going to be off the charts I am sure.

Interestingly enough I have a few mildly fun things to do, but inevitably I will end up with the weekend blues. The only cure for that is a glass of wine and maybe long phone conversation with an old friend or two. I'd try shopping, but I can't stand long weekend line at the mall, or the crowds, or the loud screaming kids...you get the picture. I don't think that makes me old (actually I'm still quite young), it's that just makes me better suited for luxury resorts, with no kids, and excellent service, rather than a family fun festival. Hmm... wish I could just have an adventure, some romantic adventure, like Jane Eyre, minus the creepy boarding school and mad family relations (kind uncles excluded).

So it will be a tad bit dull this weekend, however I will endeavor to enjoy the quite nothing-to-do-ness now before I do have kids, and I don't get a moments peace till they go off to college. To all the parents out there....I commend you!

Weekend (and said glass of wine) I'll see you soon.

Possibilities and Dreams

Possibilities: Ok I very have exciting news....I may be getting a new job! (scream) It is in an industry I hope to stay in for the rest of my life. I can't wait to find out if I've gotten the position. I aim to learn and move up quickly and grow in my skills so that one day not too long from now I might open my own establishment and bring to the world my dream for them to enjoy!

I had been quite down about things until recently this new possibility came my way.  It's sad that we sometimes have dreams and never pursue them. It's amazing when we do and the doors we thought would never be open to us, suddenly open and things start unfolding in amazing ways. Our dreams can become real. My dream can become real.

One day, again not too long from now, I'll wake up in the home I have always wanted, drive the car I have needed for a while now, and go open the doors to my own escape for others to come and enjoy. Dreamy.

Won't that be amazing? To wake up and all that you imagined has come to pass. I have a lot of hard work ahead of me, but what else is there to do? I've rested...a lot this past year due to injuries, and I have experienced what's it's like to be poor, and now there is new chapter opening up for me. I will embrace this change and endeavor to deserve all the blessings. I'm going to try to be happy.

I'm just so grateful for a positive change. Grateful for a new dream.

Almost Fairy Hour

I often cannot sleep....insomnia is a terrible condition, especially when one has to get up early the next day. For me the best times to sleep are from mid-night to four in the morning, and then from eight to ten or so in the morning, after which I get up and I'm fine for the rest of the day. However I do plan on taking a siesta at four in the afternoon just to see if that helps me sleep through the night. Hey, it's worth a shot. I think when I was in college, I would sleep almost normal hours, but always rose up the next morning very tired and never really caught up till the weekend.

Now that I know what my sleep condition is and how best to deal with it, I find that I actually love the early morning hours. I used to hate them, dread them even; to wake up and know that you'll be up from four to eight in the morning no matter what you do is very annoying. But I've resigned myself to doing things during those hours that would not be possible otherwise.

For example: when it rains during the night, the best time to hear it is about 4:30am. All is quite, except for the rare car or two that might pass by. There are few or no planes, no trains, no buses, and no neighbors talking loudly, or kids laughing and/or screaming outside. I love these precious quiet times. I can think more clearly and pray more boldly. There are no distractions.

At one or two in the morning if I so happen to wake up then, I think those are the interesting times as well, for it is almost fairy hour, which is about three-ish. It's probably most quite at that hour because even insomniacs like me are still asleep. Mothers are up feeding their babies then, and the fairies, I think, must enjoy seeing that special bond take place.

Ok I don't really think fairies exists, at least not in the US, but it's nice to think about anyway.

So....I will continue enjoying the pale moon, and the stars, and when the hour of four comes around I'll see what other creative things I can invent or debate myself about, worry over, or pray about. Probably all three.

Sweet dreams.